It’s my hope that when you have read this book, you will be able to achieve better results in the many conflicts you face in your life, and better understand the wider conflicts in society. You will not deny or evade necessary conflict, while it festers, or get into unnecessary conflicts that are best walked away from. You will be able to get a good grip on the reality of the situation in any conflict you face. You will better understand your interests and those of the other side in conflict. You will understand how to attend to emotions in the conflict (your own and the other side’s) without repressing them or venting them. You will be able to creatively expand the available solutions to the conflict, and perhaps even see the conflict from both sides’ perspectives to help this process. You will be able to create a clear agreement or deal to resolve the conflict that sticks, and builds the relationship, if the other side in the conflict is a regular part of your life. And you will have found ways to learn from what has happened in the conflict so you are better at conflict the next time you are involved in it. Having used a systematic approach to conflict once, rather than pure improvisation or knee-jerk reactions, you will use it again for your future conflicts. For this to work, you need to be open to quite a bit of self-reflection and be willing to change. If none of this appeals to you, I suggest you put the book back on the shelf now. J Life is short, but change is good.

And the above paragraph reflects something of the challenging nature of my approach to you my dear reader. I also try to use the phrase “we” and “our” in this book to suggest that I need this advice as much as you do. I don’t present myself as exactly perfect, especially in personal conflicts where objectivity comes a little hard even to conflict professionals.